Finding hope in the wake of a devastating situation seems to be a daunting task for most of us—especially for those of us who have low expectations of ourselves to begin with.

In my blog of last week I discussed the Pygmalion Effect : a phenonmenon where individuals perform to the level of expectation placed on them. What I didn’t mention was that while many of us think of this in terms of external expectations, a lot of this occurs within the realm of internal expectations as well (the latter also known as self-fulfilling prophecy). What I also didn’t mention last week was how I came to know and understand this terminology and the impact it had on my life.

I recently caught up with a long time friend of mine, and, as one typically does with old friends, discussed work and family. Before I knew it, I was lamenting about an issue I had at the workplace a while back and though it was resolved, I realized I still felt down about it. I felt like I failed. My friend assured me that wasn’t the case. In fact, according to him, there was nothing I could have done to avoid the situation…I had been caught in a vicious cycle known as the Pygmalion Effect.

Phew! I can’t begin to tell you how much better I felt when I heard that. But before I explain what occurred I want to back up to my earlier life as a kid. As the eldest kid of my family, my mother placed a great deal of responsibility on my shoulders. The expectation given by my mom was great and as a result, the results were great. That “greatness” carried me through the workplace where I continually felt the need to achieve better than what was expected.

Fast forward to the situation at work. I took over a full time vacated position (in addition to my work responsibilities). Because my added responsibilities consisted of cases of hundreds of employees, my email’s inbox was a virtual sea of those cases. When I began to shoulder the increased workload, I had the immediate and gripping fear that in the haze of the high volume of emails I was now receiving, I would miss a crucial message that pertained to my original job. My manager, for the most part indicated that she would bring in additional resources should I start to feel overwhelmed and that I really need to thoroughly go through email.

It didn’t happen. Worse still, my initial fears were eventully realized.

After almost six months with my increased workload, I missed not one, not two, but three important email messages relating to my original job. All three poured in—along with my other messages— within the same month.

My friend mentioned that the solution to the issue was either to have a separate mailbox or create an algorithm to capture key words relevant to my original job—designed to chime or ping. Bringing on an additional resource although a good thought, would not have solved the issue, which was the mailbox.

My fear of “missing an email” related to my original job actually became my reality—or rather— self-fulfilling prophecy. Once that happened, there was a mutual drop in confidence on the parts of my manager, and worse…myself.

On surface, it seems that the negative side of the Pygmalion Effect is a hopeless sitution to be in. However, the good news is you don’t have beat yourself up. Trying to figure out what you could have done differently or you are not good enough is not only a falsehood, but a waste of time. Sure, I made a mistake. But there were other factors at play beyond my control. Understanding your worth and value is the key to hope.