During one of many shopping excursions with my late husband, he would hold doors open for others. Without missing a beat, each person would casually glide in the door as if his holding it for them was an expectation, not a courtesy.  

Not one thank you.

After the second time it happened I was irritated. 

“You’re welcome,” I said sarcastically when it happened for a third time, and I made sure I was loud enough to hear. 

My husband slung his arm around my shoulders ushering me along with a smile at my indignation. I told him if he let the door shut in their faces it would be a different story and folks would think he was the rude one.

Parents teach us the importance of being polite and having manners at a young age. The focus of such teaching is to emphasize kindness.

When kindness becomes the focus rather than the expectation of some reciprocal deed, it doesn’t matter whether it is given. In fact, the expectation shouldn’t be in our minds at all.

We hold doors open. We say “thank you,” “excuse me,” “I’m sorry,”  and “hello” when we enter a room because (depending on cultural factors like how we were raised) we were taught that it was good manners regardless of whether or not the other person deserves it. 

Making a judgement of who deserves what and expecting reciprocity makes us no different than the offender. 

Looking back on that shopping trip made me remember my righteous indignation at that moment and realize my mistake. 

That realization gives me hope to do better.

And where there’s hope…there’s a way.